I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
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I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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