Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
