I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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