i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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