i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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