$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
