Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
