i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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