Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.