I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?