weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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