I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
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Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
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He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?