Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!