2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
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S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join