I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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