why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
