All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
