i just made my gag reflex go away.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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