Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just google imaged poop.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
