The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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