By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
