They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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