She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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