They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
