her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
