And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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