he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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