Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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