12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
