Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize