did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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