he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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