This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
