Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
