So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
