Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
