Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
