I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
