Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We have started to decorate penises.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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