Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he shaved USA in his pubs
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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