Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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