Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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