She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
40s are totally the cure
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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