Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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