As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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