she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
