I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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