ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
