it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
