I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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