I just pynch a tree in the face
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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