we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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