Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
