I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
