dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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