So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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