the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
