Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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