Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
