Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
