sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
my liver is dry heaving
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
