According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
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Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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